Feelings

Ahh the tremendous hardships of being a preschooler. You can finally talk and walk and play with some pretty neat toys, but it is often difficult to express what is going on in your little mind as your vocabulary is limited to a few simple words. Also, hand eye coordination is not at its best. Also, everyone looks like a head with legs.

The only good thing I can see about having kids is the opportunity to constantly make fun of them. Until then, let's continue to make fun of other people's children. Starting with Jane!

Jane feels sad because she hurt her knee and she was crying. What Jane should have written is she is sad because her parents picked a boring name like Jane for a baby. Jane's parents are probably also sad because their daughter is a whiny little bitch. Three words for you Jane: Walk it off. Cool pigtails though.

Reese, I feel mad at you right now because fake blood is awesome! What do you mean you are sad about it? You are probably sad because some kids probably loaded up their squirt guns with fake blood and pretended to kill zombies and you weren't allowed to play. I would be sad if I were you too Reese. I would also be sad if I were you because apparently you are bald and a bad looking version of that egg on the anti-depression medication commmercial.

Ava... If I was your preschool teacher, your feelings would give me cause for concern. Your pictures are probably going to start looking like when the kid in "The Ring" starts drawing his dead family and cutting the faces out of all your pictures. I don't know who these "people" are that are hitting you, but I can probably make a few educated guesses.

Shaya!!! Finally, a break from the most depressed preschool class in history!!! Shaya is happy because she found something. What she found will remain a mystery, because from the looks of it she found a testicle on the ground. That word is probably not in her vocabulary yet.

Jonah is also happy!!! He is going to the 99-cent store after school. What a nice mom he must have! I only wish I could see the magical goodies I am sure that Jonah will bring to school and try to brag about and not share with all of his preschool friends. Perhaps he will be lucky enough to find a toothbrush with his name on it or some cheaply produced lead paint covered jewelry.

Ben. There are no words for the BS you are feeling today. You are surprised it is your birthday? You should be surprised that when you look in the mirror you have a pig snout instead of a nose. I hate to break it to you Ben, but no one likes kids who won't stop talking about their birthday. I know you are doing this because a birthday is probably the least surprising thing that can happen seeing as how we have handy inventions called calendars. And I know your birthday didn't hide in a closet and wait for you to come in the room and then jump out and yell "Boo!" cause that would be a surprise.

Alex is angry because she loves her mommy and daddy. .. . hmm.

And now for the GRAND FINALE!!!!

James!!! Oh sweet little James feels like a Pirate because he is wearing a Pirate shirt! I long to see what James has on at school. I also give James' picture an A+++ because you can actually kind of tell that pirate has a hook and a belt and a giant penis. I love your pirate even though pirates do not wear these: http://www.zymetrical.com/images/products/groucho.gif Congrats James! You rock my world.