Missed Connections

White female in a serious relationship seeks Drooling Creepy guy for short-term bus ride relationship

About me:

I am 24 year old, a left-handed cancer, Boston University graduate, young working professional, and purple enthusiast seeking someone to enjoy the finer details of bus-riding life without me.

You are:

- A tall and hairy caucasion gentleman in mid-40s with plump physique

- Unable to keep your balance while trying to find a seat and the bus starts moving, resulting in your and your Trader Joe's bags falling into the seat next to me

- Inexplicably wearing a three-piece suit

- Have lots of white spittle in the corners of your mouth while talking to me

- Have unrequited love for Susan Lucci and are able to tell me everything that is happening on "All My Children"

- Are so inspired by her you want to take acting classes at Emerson College

- Work as some kind of security guard near South Station

- Have a "girlfriend"

- Walk 8 miles a day around Brighton

- Are looking forward to finishing your undergrad

- Are similarly to me "also thinking about UMass Boston now that you mention it"

- Really insist on how good you would be at learning Spanish, French, or Chinese

- Although you would like to learn Chinese you hate our Asian bus driver and most Asians (extra points if you hate other races)

- Must lament inexplicably about your brother's offer to pay for your schooling

- Have a sister who used to write for "Frasier"

- Have a sister-in-law who acquired an internship at the David Letterman show by attending a taping of the show, complaining about how cold the air conditioning is, and asking for a blanket

Bonus points if:

- You are able to convey all this information to me without saying more than three "uh huhs"

- Are unable to distinguish disinterest from listening to you

- You are willing to continue talking when I have virtually wrapped my book around my head

- I don't get off at my stop because that is where you are getting off and I don't want you to know where I live

Please respond to this ad if you feel you meet these specific requirements.

NOTE: People doing the leg-machine in a three piece suit at the gym need not apply